Vulnerability

     vul·ner·a·ble
         ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l/
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

Becoming vulnerable. Putting one’s self out there (wherever ‘there’ might be) in the face of failure, rejection and possible harm. Life is hard enough as is in the ‘simple means of life’ but then we’re supposed to get in harm’s way to achieve something greater? Say what?! Is this even fair?!

          Vulnerability is something that I personally struggle with on a daily basis. I would much rather stay in my own personal, tiny bubble, than have the possibility to be emotionally attacked or hurt. But there are certain situations where one must become vulnerable. One must ignore the possibility of harm and Just Do It! This is how one finds love (haha datinAshley DeWeerdt - First Arabesqueg world? what’s that?! I’m just making an assumption here 😉 ), how people achieve a better job and how people get past their struggles by finding a way to confront them. Becoming vulnerable is scary. There is so much danger and so many bad things that could come from it. But on the other hand there are so SO many good things that it can lead to as well. You have to think about what is on the other side instead of just what lies right in front of you.

Being a dancer I have to try and be vulnerable day in and day out. If I wish to get better and succeed I must push myself past my limits, allow people to correct me and find my flaws, and allow myself to pick apart every little detail to try and reach something greater. Currently I am sending audition materials out to possible future employers. Some companies I feel I have a high chance of hearing good things, but most I must expect hearing a ‘no’ from prior to them even seeing me in-person. I have to put myself out there. Possibly get hurt. And move on. There is no way to achieve bigger and better things without doing just that. I want to move up there in this crazy world of dance, but I have to be ready to be hurt, be rejected and move past it to the 1 maybe even 2 places that want to see me, and want to give me the opportunity to grow.

Today I received my first ‘no’ of the season from a ballet company. The email stated that “We have reviewed your video materials and require nothing further from you at this time. Thank you again for your interest and best wishes in your search for employment.” And I am okay with that. I have sent materials to 5 places. I have heard 1 no, 1 yes, 1 maybe (not making decisions til March, but hey! it’s not a no!) and have yet to hear from the other 2. I know

Ashley DeWeerdt - Headshot
© Eide Photography

that of the 40 or so other companies that review my materials over the next month there will be many more ‘no’s and that is okay. It has to be okay. There is no point in getting upset about it, but instead just being proud of myself for going for something that is hard and frustrating and putting myself out there to be able to try new things, possibly get hurt along the way, but learn and grow as time passes!

 

If you want to see what I’ve been up to in the studio here’s a little link to a variation that I’ve been working on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A9p04y5KwU

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s