This summer has been filled with new experiences, new friends, new cities and plenty of adventure. Had you asked me a year ago where I would be during my summer of 2016 I would never have imagined traveling from one coast to the next just 1 week apart. Being in NYC for almost 3 weeks was so inspiring. The city is filled with so much art and art appreciation. Every person that I talked to, who asked why I was in town, was so interested and impressed and continued asking question after question about my plans and past and future. I left New York filled with happiness and inspiration and knew that my return trip would have to come sooner rather than later.
Now, as many of you know, I am in San Diego auditioning for a job opportunity for the 2016-2017 season. Again, had you asked me last year, I would never have thought that I would be this close to not having a job for next season. I never would have imagined having a huge ‘question mark‘ in my future. But that is what it has come to…
When I left Minnesota at the end of July I was very excited and filled with much hope and support from those around me. I had a very good feeling coming into my 19 day intensive that this is what would lead to my next job and that all would run smoothly. Unfortunately though, those thoughts have quickly come and gone. It has been 1 week of the three that I am here and my hope is suppressed and my sights are not set nearly as high. There are 24 of us here looking to fill 5-6 apprentice spots in the company. So that leaves a 21-25% chance of being hired. I am realizing how much I need to work on personally to improve, grow and become an overall better dancer, and it seems that the director has pretty much already made his decisions.
Although the intensive is beyond great, there are still 10 days of dance left to learn, grow and make an impression and I am loving each and every class, I do not feel confident any longer. I am scared for my uncertain future and I am just all around sad. I have begun to look into other options for next season, and I am trying to put my full trust in the fact that ‘whatever is meant to be will be‘, but as we all know too well: that is much easier said than done. I would love to live in New York, but it is expensive and I have no idea where I would train. I would be willing to move back home to train, but let’s be real, it is far from an ideal situation. There are many superb training programs across the country but it already being August, and me being 21, it is harder to find places who are still looking for eager applicants. This all being said it is hard to not sit up at night and question whether I made the right decision to follow my dreams and try to make it in the complicated, confusing and unknown world of dance, but deep down I know that it is what I love and there’s a good reason that I am currently on the path that I am. While I am here I am just going to continue to focus, work hard and enjoy the classes, the teachers, my peers and of course the beach and beauty around me!
I am grateful to have the opportunities that I have been presented with over the last couple of years and just need to continue to have faith. I know that I am blessed with a support system that is never wavering and shown so much love each and every day. I do feel though, that the hardest part upon returning will be answering the ‘did you get the job?’ questions that coworkers, friends and others will approach me with. I went in saying that ‘no matter what happens I will soak up as much as possible and just enjoy the experience each and every day’ and I need to focus on that same process. The dance world is tough, and I know that is not about to change any time soon, so now I just need to find the strength within me to push through my most recent struggles. It is possible. I can do it. I will do it! Much love to all from the West Coast ❤